depressing

today is such a sad day.. im all the way in korea like millions of miles away from home and find out my one and only dog that ive had for 8 years has passed away.. she was my first and only dog and i loved her to death.. and the fact that i didnt even get to see her before she left really breaks my heart.. my mom told me she died three weeks ago and that she was really sick and in pain and so she had to put her to sleep but i don't belive it especially because before i left she was perfectly fine.. i wish i was there to see her and know how shes feeling but now i can't even do that cuz shes gone.. i have this anger towards my mom right now because she put my dog to sleep and didn't even tell me about it when its been 3 weeks now. my mom didnt even care about my dog she actually didnt even like her but danbi was my one and only dog and ughh im so sad that shes gone.. i wish i couldve seen her i wish she was still alive i wish she was with me and i definately wish i can hug her right now... i don't even know what im going to do when i get home.. i mean everytime i walk into my house she would come running to me wagging her little tail looking all happy and to have all of that gone so fast is so depressing.. i know we'll all eventually die but sometimes its just such bad timing.. i wish i couldve spent more time with my dog 8 years doesn't seem long enough, it seems like yesterday when she was the size of my hand waiting for me in that big brown box in my garage.. she was the cutest thing in the world.. especially for a chihuahua! she never barked and she listened to everything i said.. she was a fatty and loved food and me of course.. ughh i cried for hours but crying doesn't even do n e thing i hate that everybody i love passes away without me being able to see them..